From a Single Mother..

To my growing beauty:

The world is changing, and the things we face will make us uncomfortable and will likely hurt us. Know that my concern is your vivacious heart, your confidence, integrity, loyalty to people, and your view of the world. My goal is not to change the way you see things, rather to determine what deserves your time and attention and what is attempting to contain your joy to small matters.

We stand..

First, I want to tell you how important it is that we stand up for those who cannot speak for themselves. Bullying has taken on new forms since the development of social media. People now can vocalize hurtful words while hiding behind a screen without any filters to hold them back. Words can be damaging, and with so many people seeing it, words are difficult to erase on the conscience of whom they are about. For those that are hurting, I know your good heart can make an extraordinary difference for someone who feels alone. You may not know this, but I was often bullied throughout most of my school years. My shyness worked against me since I barely had a voice myself to reach out when I was depressed and feeling alone. Communicating my hurt was difficult with so few people that understood what I was going through. I know I have expressed it many times, but you will find how communication is what bridges hurting hearts and creates understanding. No matter how uncomfortable it is to just say something, it is likely because you simply, must. That child that is different, that doesn’t have the cool gadgets, or new clothes, being blatantly picked on needs someone like you to reach out. It could be something simple: a handshake, a hug, a warm smile, a quick hello, or your sassy confidence to build them up or stand up to their bullies. Be brave, it shows your heart. You are a compassionate and loyal friend; we are blessed when we are able to give others what they cannot give themselves.

This is where I could get passionate…

We are visibly seeing the results of someone’s hate rhetoric. Men and women who carry a high regard in media, are using their platforms to turn the world over on its side. Politicians, terrorists, our neighbors, and even people of faith are passing off hate for fear. This might have you question someone’s integrity or what we represent being Christians, minorities, or a single parent family. Our position as inhabitants of an earth that we are sharing with so many, could not possibly leave any kind of room for that kind of talk. We don’t cast judgment, even when there is judgment upon us. We forgive. Does this make things easier? Absolutely not. This is how we truly find ourselves, and our voice. We find it when we face opposition and we voice the values of humanity with love. We also benefit when we are able to forgive when we no longer carry the burden of the injury that someone else left. You, my beauty are half Mexican. That half of you comes from a rich and gorgeous culture that is constantly being degraded from those that don’t know how to share their space. I know there are many that are not setting a right example. Every day I want to shake people up and tell them to walk the straight line, to not stoop to the level of those who want us there. Others may not know between right and wrong, but we need to be there to be right with love. We also need to help to right the wrongs and set the example, and this is where we stand again. We have come from kings and queens that built temples, foretold the future, and protected their families. We have come from colorful traditions and core values that have not escaped our family, even now. We know the exceptional life we live and it should not be shamed on others that they would want the same opportunity. Remember this when we see others facing the same degradation. Just like our friends, we stand up for them too. When they hurt, we stand with them.

You are important to love too…

Loving ourselves is sometimes tricky. I admit to have been terrible at watching my body change as I have aged. It doesn’t help that I pinch my rolls in the mirror, not fitting into old clothes anymore, and your lovely uncle who’s increasingly called me fat in just the last few months. Really I should take it all with a grain of salt. I have not fully embraced being “in love” with my new shape, but I’ve certainly been making efforts in working what I’ve got and being healthy.   What you’ll never hear me say is that I don’t love myself. I know I shine in so many ways regardless of the tough critiques I may give myself or my image. And I always have you reminding me that I’m beautiful (and the way it instantly changes my attitude) and I am so grateful. Loving ourselves does not equate to beauty, it is how we are making ourselves better. If I’m not happy about it, I work my best to change it. We are active and we watch what we put in our bodies. We all have the capacity to create change…we just have to WANT it. Girls like you are constantly bombarded with glamorized and edited images, that it astounds me that it hasn’t jaded you in the slightest. I know that doesn’t mean that couldn’t change as you approach your teenage years, but I hope you remember this time in your life as a time when your favorite artists spoke out on true beauty, developed an environment of body positivity, and empowerment to women. It makes me happy that there are such active and vocal girls that are helping you realize your potential on the inside.

Our relationships shape us.

I often talk about the life I spent as a professional dancer. They will always be the greatest years of my life. And it was less because of the opportunities; it was because these people were like my family. We fought like family, we celebrated together like family, we cried joyful tears, and we cried tears of sadness. This was also a time that I had some struggle with a relationship with my parents. My dad was tough, my mom was distant, my brother didn’t understand. Sometimes we don’t see how much we invest in people and still see the other side of the coin when life happens and things have no choice BUT to change. After I left to give birth to you, I lost so many close friendships and I ended up completely reliant on my mother’s love and my dad’s protection. The situations may be different, but I know it happens to everyone. It takes a massive life change when you need people the most that you could find yourself alone. As you and I go through life together, I find myself keeping my head above water with the encouraging relationship I still have with my mom. I still have some beautiful friendships that will certainly last forever, but as often as we have heard it, family is really there for you most in the end.

My mom and I didn’t always have a great relationship, and I solely base this on the really difficult ways we communicated. What has changed is our circumstances and how similar we have had to make adjustments to our lives, that now my mom has a better grasp on who I was and who I needed to become. I can’t say the same about my dad. As parents, we try our best to not repeat what our parents did.   With a hurtful heart, my dad was many things that ultimately traumatized my mental (and sometimes) physical capacities to love. My dad and I do have sweet memories of taking long drives in summers just to get out of the house, taking me swimming; he’d play tennis with me. He let me ride my bike very, very short distances while he worked in the garage. Sadly, we don’t stay kids. I was sheltered in the house and wasn’t allowed to do many things with friends. My attitude would change, but I followed his rules. I lived too fearfully of repercussions, but it didn’t stop him from chipping away from every ounce of confidence I had. Now in his old age our relationship continues to be difficult and selfish on both sides, leading me to let you know that although family will be there, they can still be a hurtful presence.

Your relationship with your dad is so important regardless of what that looks like. Even if its minimal, if it doesn’t allow for a lot of quality time, even if its just those few good morning kisses you manage to give him before he gets busy. Unfortunately in our situation, it may take effort on your part to make sure that happens.   We do it because we don’t give up on it.

I need to thank you for your resilience.

Our life has been challenging. I’m often overwhelmed and I know that my imperfections are amplified when my anxiety is high. Most often, its because I so desperately want things to be perfect for you and I exhaust myself trying to make that happen. I have been able to healthily let go of many things in the several years that I have been raising you alone. Others, still create such a frustration within me that I don’t understand how other single mothers do it. I know I sometimes ask too much of you, and that hardly makes it any easier for me. We have gone through so many job changes, moves, financial stresses, repossessions, school schedules, late homework assignments, visits to the ER, and just a constant fluctuation of disarray. Yet, you have managed to be strong for mommy, to hug me and wipe my tears when I’m defeated, and you tell me I’m the best mommy ever; you tell me things will get better. I honestly could not have been given a greater gift than you and your incredible strength. I remember the days leading up to your birth, stressing about how you would grow up to hate me, how I would not be able to fulfill your needs, and just quite plainly…how I would make it. Without a doubt you were purposed for me, and I was given the privilege of being your mother. I would never realize until those hard days, how I needed you.

God only knew you would grow up to be one of the greatest kids ever. I often wonder why I worry so much about you when you have been my greatest teacher. Part of me wants to selfishly protect your heart from the hurt you could endure, when your heart is exactly what the world needs. It needs your loyalty, your sass, your confidence, strength, resilience, and overall joyful heart. You have most certainly encountered disappointment when you may not have been able to spend as much quality time with your dad and I, but you continue loving us the same. I’ve seen you still love your friends even though they may have failed you in some way. The world will continue to fail you, but I am confident as your mother that you will hold the hand of the hurting, and you will confidently spark the change that is necessary, and you will move on from the things that don’t serve you no matter how much it hurts.

I know this, after all..I’m still standing.